House of Soul Eaters: Reboot
by thatshadyfucker
Summary: The weapons and meisters are on the brink of war with the witches, and are outmatched not only in numbers, but in power, too. They were barely able to defeat one witch. How are they supposed to beat tens of thousands of them? With a little help from a well-known magic school, will they be able to learn how to win the upcoming war, or will they succumb to the pressure of Hogwarts?


_Chapter 1_

**_Declaration of War_**

* * *

_There's a sort of craziness about this whole idea, _Soul thought.

They had just previously recovered from Death the Kid's rescue mission from the Book of Eibon, given three days off of missions and training to rest and heal from their escapade, when out of nowhere, the crackpot old shinigami summoned his son and Black Star and Maka, along with their accompanying weapons to his personal godforsaken chamber, cutting their vacation short.

The albino death scythe walked slightly behind the others, who dragged their feet forward to Shinigami-sama's sanctuary through the halls. Massive guillotine blades hung high above their small heads forebodingly, adding to the depressed atmosphere that permeated around them. He noted the bandages decorating their skin that was otherwise carefully hidden underneath their Spartoi uniforms.

Irritation coursed through Soul. _Some of us are still licking our fucking wounds. We got our asses handed to us by Noah. This better be damn good to pull us out of our sick beds._

"Hey, hey!" greeted Shinigami-sama, bobbing cheerfully on the crooked stem that took the place of human legs. He waved his white blockish hand at them, and Soul could've sworn that if the grim reaper had a face, he'd be smiling behind that comical mask. The notion added fuel to his anger. "You're all here!"

There was an awkward silence, doubtless because of the exhausted expressions that the teens wore. The mood quickly turned dry.

Finally, Death the Kid spoke, coughing before addressing his father. "Yes, _chichue_. We've come at your request. What sort of service do you require of us?"

Shinigami-sama shook his head, leaning back on his stem, his demeanor regretful. "I'm sorry to cut your break short, but this is an emergency. We've received some information from an anonymous source that the witches are growing restless—"

"So? I'll just take them all on! No one can defeat the great Black Star! I'm the strongest of all! How dare they think to challenge me—"

Tsubaki thankfully clapped a hand over her partner's mouth, who fought under her grip. Maka slowly lowered her handy book that she'd been about to clobber the blue-haired meister with. Soul watched her do this with an uneasy feeling churning his stomach.

_Where in the hell does she keep that thing?_, he thought to himself. _Maka, the living Bermuda Triangle._

He snickered at the idea, earning a glare from Maka herself. Soul flinched and returned his attention to Shinigami-sama.

The grim reaper's mask holes narrowed at the teenagers in front of him, mentally reminding himself to be patient. At least there was a sort of light-heartedness and sense of normalcy about them now. He inwardly frowned at their earlier graveness. "As I was saying before I was interrupted by Black Star, the witches are growing restless. Their leader, the Grand Witch Mabaa, has been conjecturing to the magic community that they are being suppressed by Shibusen and death weapons alike, treated unfairly and without cause. She's stoking an uprising against all of my allies, including weapons and meisters. She's even gone so far as to make alliances with other mythical folk extending across the globe."

"Shinigami-sama," Maka interjected. She paused, waiting for a reprimanding, but when none came, she went on. There was a tinge of fear coloring her voice. "You can't mean that they…they want to…" She trailed off, seemingly waiting for the shinigami to convince her otherwise, that no, her suspicions were wrong.

Her stomach clenched when he in fact confirmed it. "What you're thinking is right, Maka. The witches want to go to war with us."

The meisters' reactions were instant. Death the Kid's otherwise flat-line of a mouth pulled down in a deep frown. Maka gulped, her expression that of a mirror of Kid's. Tsubaki fought harder than ever to hold Black Star down and sedate him. Peeking behind the black-haired weapon's porcelain arms, his face was a furious beet-red. Soul's usual deadpan expression was subtly warped into that of grimness. Liz's eyes flashed, and even Patty paused in her happy nonsensical chirruping.

"So what's your plan, father? Is this why you summoned us?" Death the Kid once again broke the silence.

Shinigami-sama nodded. "Firstly, we can't defeat the witches as we are now. It has come to my knowledge that we're too inexperienced when it comes to the field of magic. This has come to my attention from your fight with Noah. I've only come to one conclusion that can solve this predicament. As the saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them."

Kid quirked an eyebrow. "Are you insinuating…"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am," Shinigami-sama clapped his great hands together. "In order to defeat the witches, you must learn about them. So far, none of my students know squat about the simplest magic, which is dangerous, as even the simplest spell could prove to be fatal in the midst of battle. I would have the good witches come and explain the principles of their magic, but most are in hiding or acting as undercover spies for me in Mabaa's rebellion."

"What about Kim?" Maka suggested. "She's a good witch, and she could tell us."

"That's a good point," Shinigami-sama said patiently. "But, she is still just a fledgling. She broke off early from the circle and left before she made the covenant to become an official figure. So, it's a good point, but a moot one."

"Then…what exactly are you proposing?" Soul finally asked, trying to keep his tone calm.

"Have any of you ever heard of Hogwarts?" the grim reaper asked.

"Hogwarts? Sounds like a messed-up animals' disease," the albino weapon commented.

Black Star had at last broken free of his bonds and was ready for battle. "Yeah, yeah, what he said," he quickly agreed with his best friend.

Shinigami-sama pinched the area of his mask where the bridge of his nose would have been. "No, you don't understand," Spirit, Maka's overprotective father, who had been quietly present the whole time, decided to speak up. "Hogwarts is—"

The shinigami held up a hand, and the older death scythe fell silent. "I will do the explaining, Spirit. Or, rather, an acquaintance of mine will."

And with that being said, a tall robed figure stepped out from behind Shinigami's mirror that had originally hid him from sight. The wizened face grinned widely at the children from behind his half-moon spectacles, his eyes sparkling.

Maka stared wonderingly at the man who now stood before them all in his navy-colored robes. She had never seen eyes so blue.

"Children, this is Albus Dumbledore, a famous man in the world of magic. A fantastic wizard of his age, highly honored among magical folk alike. Please, be respectful of him," Shinigami-sama grandly introduced the strange man.

A small blush appeared on the wrinkled cheeks of the old man. "Please, please. You flatter me. I'm not nearly so high and mighty as you make me out to be. You of all beings should know that, Lord Death."

"Perhaps," the grim reaper seemed to frown slightly in his speech and a little glint came to his eye as he peered at Dumbledore.

_Strange, _Kid thought as he quietly observed the two elders. _They interact as if they are good company, and yet, there's this underlying feeling…that I can't quite put my finger on…_

"Wizard?" Liz raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "I thought we were dealing with witches here."

"We are," Shinigami-sama clarified. "My acquaintance here will explain."

All seven teens turned their attention to the stranger, Tsubaki sweating profusely in her attempts to hold down and wrestle with Black Star as he determinedly fought for the right to speak.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "You see, young ones, the fantastic world is one that is one that is forced to hide in the shadows. From that, it is unfortunately automatically assumed to be a realm of darkness, magic. In reality, it is a thing of so many different shades, a rainbow of color. There's a definite uncertainty about it, and that's what makes people so afraid of it. That fear of uncertainty. The lack of knowledge about it. And so, there are beings that wash to stamp out the magic out of their fear for its uncertainty, its power. Your witch problems here come from that very fear. They use that logic against Lord Death, convincing the people that Shibusen and others are afraid of them. Even if this fact is not true, it is an effective bribe," Dumbledore added at seeing their starting to defend themselves. "As such, there are schools that wish to educate those with otherworldly prowess into putting their powers to use for practical uses, as well as defense against darker intentions." His blue eyes took on a sorrowful light. "You see, Hogwarts is just one of these very schools. There we aim to teach the students to avoid the darker realms of temptation, the black magic that taints and destroys. Oh, magic is quite the grayscale, but we try our best to install in them the lighter values."

"But, sir," Maka raised her hand like the proper and respectful student she was. Dumbledore's eyes turned to her, a spark of amusement in the blue irises. "How do the witches like we have come about? And why are there no wizards?"

A kind smile touched his lips. "My dear, it is the strangest magic of all. Pure coincidence."

At Maka's confused look, he continued on. "I have no idea, honestly, why the only beings you've encountered thus far have been witches, the female counterpart of magic users. My guess is as I stated before: coincidence. As for your other question, I will get to it." Dumbledore cleared his throat before pushing on. "Hogwarts is a school that educates these young beings from ages ten to seventeen in the fine art of magic. We try to prevent these dark witches and wizards from rising by educating the rights and wrongs of spells and such." The old wizard paused here, as if collecting his thoughts…thoughts of regret. "However," he said gravely, "there are those who cannot be told how to act or think against their desires. Hogwarts has, unfortunately, raised dark witches and wizards." He bowed his head humbly, and the students thought he looked vulnerable and frighteningly powerless. Tension was thick in the air until Dumbledore slowly lifted his head, a hesitant smile stretching across his face. The sad look was still in his eyes as he spoke. "But, that isn't to say I've given up on the good. You, young heroes, will become my students. This is your Lord Death's plan."

The wizard glanced meaningfully at the grim reaper, and Shinigami-sama took it as a cue to explain his plan. The tall black-clothed figure clapped his hands once more and laughed slightly before speaking. "The strategy is for a small number of my meisters and weapons to enroll in Hogwarts and learn the basic foundation of magic and its inner workings. It's the best way to find out after all—this is where the users themselves learn! Aside from that, you'll be given special _attention_."

Kid narrowed his eyes at the stressed word. _Attention? What's that supposed to mean?_

"Whoa, whoa," Soul stopped him. The death scythe was reeling, trying to keep up with the conversation and all that it entailed. He scrunched his brow from the effort of trying to sort all of the new information out. "So you're saying we're going to go to a new school? For witches and wizards? How does that work when we can't use magic? And for how long? Are you saying we have to graduate there instead? And when does this all take place? When are we leaving? And what about the others? Why only us?"

Shinigami-sama sighed a puff of air that seemed almost visible for all to see his exasperation. "So many questions, Soul-kun. Hold your horses on those. First of all, you'll only be going there for a few months. Just long enough to learn the basics. And before their annual end of the year exams," He winked here. "As for the others, they will do the reconnaissance bit. I've made arrangements for Kim and Blair to slip in and spy on the rebellion from the inside while the others from that squadron will occupy the outside. The reason only you particular students are going is because you are the only ones with the experience and capabilities of doing so. Not only that, but I can only allow so many to enter Hogwarts. If too many go, what would I do if they decided to attack early on? And then there's the issue of spreading the word that all of Shibusen is in Hogwarts. No, better to do it quietly like this. Besides, I don't even think Hogwarts would have the room to accept several hundred new students, too old to even be in the proper grade level, and unable to use proper magic, not to mention the hostility that would divide the students, as well as the lack of accommodations such as bedding and bathrooms and food…no, no, much better this way."

Soul huffed, crossing his arms. "You never answered when we were leaving."

Shinigami-sama and Dumbledore exchanged looks at this, Dumbledore glancing at a strange watch on his wrist. He nodded, and with a small spin, and a swirl of majestic robe, he was suddenly gone.

Just in time, too. Black Star had escaped Tsubaki's arms and dived for the old man when the wizard had disappeared, landing foolishly on his face, his limbs and behind stuck up in the air.

"Goddammit," he spat, pounding the spot with a fist, cracking the stone. "Almost had him, too."

His face was harshly pounded into the ground once more thanks to a solid "Maka-CHOP!" Blood spurted like a fountain from the dent on his skull.

The ninja jumped to his feet after a few seconds' rest, screaming in pain and holding his deformed head. "Maka, what the _hell_?!"

"No, what the hell to _you. _What were you thinking? That man is our ally! You can't just go around attacking your allies! And he's a _wizard_. He could easily beat you with a flick of his pinky! You're an idiot!" Maka glared at the blue-haired meister.

"Exactly! I need to prove that I'm stronger than him! No one can stand up to me! I'm too big! I'm too powerful! I will surpass God one day! Me, Black Star!" Black Star paused for a moment, thinking of anything he left out. "Oh, yeah, Maka?" he said, remembering at last her "idiot" comment. "You're so boring and _flat_—"

Up until this point, Maka had remained dull-faced and bored, but as soon as he started speaking of her…lack of…_womanly parts_…her vision turned red, and she was ruthless when she'd brought that smart little book down on his noggin. It didn't hurt that Shinigami-sama had tied in his own "SHINIGAMI-CHOP" to the whole deal, though he'd done it out of a growing migraine from the sound of the blue-haired ninja's voice than anything else.

"Uh, Black Star…" Tsubaki tentatively took a step forward to make sure the obnoxious thing was still alive. She pulled his arm over her slim shoulder, relieved that he was only knocked out. Plus, she'd avoided a catastrophe with Dumbledore. That was a great thing, too.

"When do we depart?" Death the Kid finally asked after it was apparent the meeting was over, and the others had begun to make a move to leave.

"Tomorrow," Shinigami-sama sighed. "Report back here first thing tomorrow morning, packed and ready to go. That is all. You are dismissed."

The weapons and meisters nodded, pausing only to close the great heavy door behind them.

* * *

"Spirit," Shinigami-sama addressed the death scythe without turning to face him, watching the door close with a loud creak behind his son and his comrades. "Distract me with your shenanigans."

Spirit blurted out the first ridiculous thing that came to mind. "I'm going to be a granddaddy soon!" he sputtered, trying to sound as happy and bubbly as possible.

Shinigami-sama quickly spun around to look at Spirit, his expression dumbstruck. _Gotcha, _Spirit smirked inwardly. "_WHAT? MAKA'S PREGNANT?_"

Spirit cracked up, slapping his knee, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. "No, no, no, no…" he spurted, gasping between hiccups of hysterical laughter. _I fooled Lord Death himself!, _he was congratulating himself.

Shinigami-sama's face slowly slipped from disbelief to sullenness. He raised his hand and delivered yet another "SHINIGAMI-CHOP!" for the second time that afternoon.

Spirit fell listlessly to the floor, hands clamped on either side of his crimson head. "Hey! You said to amuse you! Besides, you were gullible enough to believe me! I mean, if that bastard Soul ever stepped that close to my Maka, I'd—"

Another blow to the head by the grim reaper, and the redhead was silenced for the moment.

"Who knows," Shinigami-sama murmured as Spirit attempted to soothe his new headache. The grim reaper smirked beneath his mask. "Maybe it's not that far off now."

Spirit's ears pricked up at the comment, his face flushing. "What's that supposed to mean? _ARE YOU INSINUATING—_"

"SHINIGAMI-CHOP!"

* * *

_Harry Potter created by J. K. Rowling_

_Soul Eater__ created by Atsushi Okubo_

_****__Dedicated to TehZach1993_

Hey guys. For those of you who actually read these things. Good for you. So, you see that I rewrote "House of Soul Eaters," adding a "reboot" to the end to make it seem special, when really it's not. You've fallen for my trap. But not really. Because I would hope you're smarter than that.

Like, the last time I looked in the crossover section for Harry Potter and Soul Eater, there was barely anything there. I mean, it's only two pages long now, but before there were like two or three stories if I remember right. It's weird to see how much it's grown since then.

Also, I've made it so that there aren't so many fucking OC's in this update. I mean, holy shit, did my last one have a lot or what? That was probably fucking annoying for you guys out there. So I'm sorry. There should only be two in here, and they only exist to further the plot. They aren't fucking Ebonyfuckingbraindiseasedementiawhat'sherfuckface OC's either, so they should be at least bearable.

If you read my profile and saw the poll and my explanation, I will say I tweaked the plot a little even since that. I changed it to a possible war against the witches because I felt like I was trying too hard to fit my square of a fanfic into the circle of the canon manga plotline, what with all of the developments I want to put in here, like new powers and romance that wouldn't be canon at all. I mean, isn't that the point of a fanfiction in the first place? To deviate from the original? Anyways, it still takes off from the defeat of Noah, disregarding any of the recent chapters, just in case you're wondering. And sorry about the lengthy dialogue. Old purple-prose habits die hard, especially when its my forte and most of the really good fanfics in my opinion are the ones with overflowing details that I probably don't need to know to get the story. But still. Whatever.

Also, my humor has changed somewhat. The original was more "spoofy" if you know what I mean, with my commentary riddling the page the whole time making sex jokes. I've matured a little since then, but I still fight the urge to comment in the middle of the story. Instead, I compromise by having the characters say or think my comments. So a little less humor, but not totally cut out. I couldn't resist adding in that last little scene after all. It's a crossover for crying out loud. It's naturally spoofy in the first place. I can't be all serious. But it will be like that for the majority of the story.

Alright, enough of my fucking bantering. Enjoy the story.

And fuck no, I'm not going to be updating every month. I mean, maybe. We'll see. This is only a hobby for now, after all.


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